Carry on

Why is it I always feel like blogging when I feel sad.  I should be able to write when I'm overflowing with Joy as well.  But hah I seem to have lost my Joy at the moment.  Don't know where it has fucked off to quite honestly.   I seem to be faced with a new challenge each day, be it I have a broken heart, which doesn't help matters.  So I better cheer up and tell my Joy it can come back now cos I've had enough sulking.  It's time to move on  and get on with things i.e. my life !  Oh yes, that's right I do have one.

I don't know where I get it from, but when I get down and out I get very determined, so I got up the ladder with my moon boot on cos I have a fractured foot, with a bottle of wine, and I painted the hallway in my house.  One moment cursing, the next moment crying lol.  It's really just sheer grit and determination to not stay down, to get back up, to fight back, to carry on, to bounce back, and that's my way.  I injure myself a lot lol.

Does anyone else do that sort of shit ?

So due to all the emotional stress, THE Eczema (I'm not calling it MY Eczema anymore),  rares its ugly head, and I start scratching. Extra measures are required to clear it up.  First of all kick the anxiety away and calm down. Second of all, watch my diet !  Third of all, I NEED a ticket to Rarotonga where I don't know anyone and I am forced to relax with Pina Coladas on the beach with a book.

I am so happy to be a Healthcare Assistant to the Elderly, I love it.  They lift my spirits, put a smile on my face, help me to keep a sense of humour, and I stop thinking about me.  Don't we get so tired of thinking of ourselves sometimes ?  I do !  Ok for me to write this I must be getting my Joy back.  YAY!  Just get all the way back now.

Assumptions... What?

I recently got sick and landed in hospital, and it takes a lot to lay me out.  Anyway shall I tell you the story ?...ok then.  It has a funny side !  

I had the runs (diarrhea) for two days, and was vomiting, couldn't even keep water down.  On the 3rd day I started pooing blood. Oh dear, best I go to the Doctor, a dear friend took me. Two stool samples later some anti-nausea meds, pain relief and I went home, on the way delivering the stool samples to the hospital as my doctor instructed. At this point I will say thank you with all my heart to the extra special friends I am graced with in my life.  About 10pm  that night the pain, cramps in my stomach became too much to bear.  And I'm tough right...another dear friend took me to A&E for urgent attention, she had stuck around my place long enough for me to make the call, knowing how stubborn I am lol.  At this stage please note that I wore a scarf not a wig. The Doctor arrives looks at me and asks "Is there any other medical condition we should know about."  I replied very casually "No, just Eczema and Alopecia." In goes the IV needle, Morphine and wow the relief is beyond words. Five litres of IV fluids were pumped into me that night, I was completely dry!  I had no trouble sleeping that night, I was put in a single room way down the end of the ward, and was given a commode in my room in case I was infectious. I was Nil By Mouth, more Morphine I was feeling better. 

Touch wood I have not stayed overnight in a hospital for many many years, and I must say I found the standard of care rather poor.  Well, ok then, it sucked !  The next morning, well what the heck has happened to common sense.  The surgeon is on his rounds, I'm waiting for my turn.  I had been offered cups of tea which I had to decline I was Nil By Mouth ( no sign in my room to say so.)  Around 11am a nurse comes to my room, oh dear the surgeon had forgotten about me, and is now in surgery for the rest of the day "ok well when is he coming back I said and while you are here could you please empty my commode." Kindof reluctantly she emptied it.  A locum doctor came to see me, tells me they have lost my stool samples !  Oh my God, where are my shit samples !  Floating around the hospital somewhere ? The young doctor said he would get the surgeon to see me asap,I must remain Nil By Mouth in case the surgeon wants to stick a camera up my bum, and while looking at me he asked "Is there any other medical condition we should know about ?"  I said "No just Eczema and Alopecia."  

By this time I haven't eaten for 4 days and I'm really hungry, guess what, they brought me lunch!I had to say I'm not allowed to eat that.  "Oh well" the lady said "I will just leave it here for you for later."  and places it on the table right beside me.  No one has been to offer me a wash or shower.  You would think someone recently shitting blood might like a wash yeah ?  So, I rolled my IV over to the basin, had a lovely wash then thought "Fuck it" and I ate the mushroom soup !  The surgeon came, I said "You are too late I ate the mushroom soup."  He was going to keep me another night and instead said "If you can keep the mushroom soup down you can go home."   I said Yay! and with sheer grit and determination I kept that mushroom soup down. A nurse came and took the IV needle out of my arm, and asked me "When did you have your Chemo" I'm horrified at the assumption and replied "I HAVE ALOPECIA." she went very red in the face. Paper work done I couldn't wait to get out of the place, I'm put off work for a week cos I might be infectious,  The nurse comes in empties the commode and says I can use the real toilet now.  I'm thinking hold on a minute I might be infectious!, so much for infection control.  My friend picked me up, as we were walking out, knowing my stool samples were still lost, there were 4 nurses sitting behind the desk...What ! On the way home we picked up my prescription and chicken noodle soup, that's all I wanted Chicken noodle soup.  I had been home about 10 minutes and the phone rang, it is some other nurse asking me "Gaelene, did I take your IV needle out." Oh for goodness sake, I should of said " No you didn't".  Then it dawned on me that two Doctors had also assumed I had cancer when they asked if I had any other medical condition.  It turns out I had Gastroenteritis, after a week at home resting, soup, jelly, I'm all good now. 

I mean, really, is this the standard of care right across the country or is it only where I live ? What has become of Nurses,(and Doctors) are they nurses in it for the money, or is their heart in it.  It used to be a Nurse was a Nurse she had a passion to care for people, a certain sensitivity,  and we were proud of them.  I'm not so sure anymore. Is hospital a safe place to be ? I think the thing that pissed me off the most was not losing my stool samples, or being forgotten, but the assumption that I had cancer because I was wearing my scarf ! 

How Dare You !  and oh yeah they found my samples the next day.

    

Seeds of Wisdom

It's been too long since I wrote, my own fault can't blame anyone else but me !  I'm using a bigger font cos my eyesight is not so good these days.  I have good control over my skin most of the time, have moments when it rears it's ugly head. Anyway I have been painting the inside of my house.  I had quite a dilemma choosing colours for my kitchen cupboards.  I started with 3 test pots of quite dark colours, then one morning I realised I was choosing colours my mother would of liked.  I was aghast !  So back to the paint shop I went and said to the lady "My mother is dead and gone and I am still trying to piss her off, give me bright colours please,"  Hence my kitchen cupboards are now bright orange/red and I love it ! Makes me smile every day.  
But it also made me realise that 'Learned Behaviour' still lurks within me. I recall my mother always telling me I had no sense of colour coordination well guess what mother YES I DO !
I love her to pieces but hey Gaelene is on her journey to know who she is !  

She said "No man would ever love me the way I look" well guess what she was WRONG again.  Oh dear, poor mother.  I did inherit some good qualities from her though I must say. I think we inherit good qualities from all sorts of people like seeds being planted.
I had the occasion to call my Aunty Una (my Dad's only living sister), she is 87.  We talked about living a relaxed life, I asked "how does one live a relaxed life cos I suck at it", she replied "Gardening, it teaches you the cycle of life."  
Wow zap bang seed planted, don't you just love it when our elders come up with such wisdom.  Seeds of wisdom let's plant them, sprinkle them far and wide and watch them grow !

I say Love it is a Flower and You it's only Seed.  

Personal Care Plan

All of the Elderly at my work place have a Personal Care Plan.  This is a plan of how to care for you if you become unable to care for yourself.  It's a good idea to have one I think, especially if you happen to have some special needs going on.

My darling friend and self adopted sister made it her business to know my care plan.  I'm sad to say she is moving away to Auckland.to live.  So, I'm thinking it is a good idea to write my care plan down and also to show another darling friend how to do certain jobs.  These things have to include, what time to shower me, what soap to use (and there is only one, that's sunlight soap), what creme's to use on my skin (there are two), and what area's to put them and how often, how to wash, dry and maintain my wigs !  Wow I sound like hard work ! But, these are all important things that some-one needs to know in the case of anything happening to me and I can't do it myself.

I mean, I hope I am blessed with old age and can be a proud old lady with my dignity in tact, but it is also my observation and training that as we age tasks become increasingly difficult. It takes more time and patience just to do one's own personal care.  So, it is a good idea to learn some patience now if we haven't already, and another reason to have a care plan in place.

Working with the Elderly has taught me great patience, humbleness, gratefulness, oh I could write a list as long as my arm of the rewards.  I highly recommend the job.  I have always been one to try not to think too far ahead, but life is short and I realise the road is sometimes long. I am at an age where the future must be thought about...oh dear, here's a thought, my friends will be old with me. Oh I can see it now, walking sticks, walking frames, artificial aids.  What a crack up, we will be taking care of each other. Laughing out Loud now !

I remember well and old man whose land I had my housebus parked on at Mahia.  It was 1993, the year I lost all my hair.  I was broken, he was diabetic and had lost limbs.  One day he said to me "What are you worried about, each night I go to bed I must take off my left leg, my right foot, take my teeth out, my hearing aids out, my glasses off, and in the morning I must put them all back on."
That gave me food for thought.

Inevitable Changes

Life is such a big lesson to be learnt, but I honestly think Gaelene is very close to knowing who Gaelene is !  So much Learned Behaviour to sort through, a lifetime of it.  Yes, Learned Behaviour, this is what we learn from other people i.e our parents, siblings, friends, partners.   It is not us !  Well it is not Me anyway.  I have discovered that happiness is being happy with myself, my own choices and decisions, my own behaviour, and I must not expect anyone else to bend over backwards to make me happy.  I am fine, and all the rest follows.  Expectations, hah !

Change and I don't get along very well.  I dislike change !  But, there is no getting away from it when people around me make changes in their lives, it affects my life too. For instance, a dear friend moving away, another new manager at work means more change etc. Nothing seems to stay the same.
Just like learning the difference between behaviour I learned and Gaelene's behaviour !  It brings change.  This effort still has not contributed to me growing my hair back but I suppose it must be good for my own personal development.  I shall continue, it is interesting.

My skin is good, I still have moments but generally it is amazing.  After nine months of The Eczema Treatment Plan my skin has a new texture, softer, not as dry.  Lots of laughs I'm not drying up anymore !  But seriously, in Dr Jo's book meaning of Eczema is "To erupt, to boil over"  So, not so many eruptions in my life and the boil over temperature has decreased.

Wow, I have neglected to blog for quite some time, I have missed it.