As I was heading into my Intermediate school years I was no longer living in bandages and having socks tied on my hands at night, but, only thanks to Prednisone (Steroids) which were keeping the itch at bay on and off. I was having increasingly more and more courses of this drug, the long term side effects are horrendous. I was able to attend school and wear the uniform with a little more confidence. Although, I always had the feeling that people thought "Oh you know Gaelene, she's a strange girl till you get to know her".
Then, when I was in my first year of high school our family Doctor decided to try a new drug. It was called Synacthen Depot (another drug no longer used today). It worked a treat. For two years I dropped into the Doctors rooms for a weekly injection of this drug. I had two years of no Eczema. Freedom, just in time for the beginning of the Boy thing that all girl teenagers go through, I even got noticed and got myself a boyfriend at age 14. OMG bad move !
Our family Doctor retired and a new Doctor came along. He immediately took me off the injections I was having. The withdrawals were intense. My skin took a turn for the worst again. It turns out it was a liver failure drug, an extreme intense immune suppressant, I could no longer have it and should never of had it. It scarred me for life. So I went back on Prednisone.
I left school at fifteen and got a job. The boyfriends came and went, I was choosing all the wrong ones, loser's basically. My feelings were like this..."I will stick with this man cos He loves me the way I look and no-one else is going to".
At this point I will say that Verbal Abuse is mean, it cuts deep, deeper than deep, it makes scars in the heart and mind. I will let you in on this. My dear mother whom I love and miss terribly, and at this point I must say we made our peace over many issues two years before she died, was so so so desperate to try and stop me scratching that when I was 12 years old she said to me "No man will ever love you the way you look." I think that one statement struck me above all the physical bullshit I endured and hurt more than any wooden coathanger broken over my ass. The worst thing is I believed her.
So, you know what Gaelene did aye, she set out to prove mother wrong. It was boyfriend after boyfriend, after boyfriend. My saving Grace was my Dad. My Guardian Angel, my darling father my everything, who taught me it is what's on the inside that counts and that I was beautiful on the inside. Life carried on, the incessant full body itching a part of my life, constantly telling myself not to scratch but not being able to help it. Wow, and then when I was twenty years old, my precious Dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the head at the beach he so loved. Wow, there I said it, it's the truth !You can imagine his death shattered our whole family and is a whole other story, so I won't dwell there just now, this is about Me and my skin issues, which as I speak is looking good !
I will leave you with this thought...Always think about what you say before you say it.
To be continued....nite nite
