HONEY BEES

A friend and work colleague told me "You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar."

Well, let's just say I did that and I got more bees, but, then the honey has to be up to scratch yeah ?
I realise I have more work to do on myself.  I say more, because there is always something.
I appear to be really getting on top of the Eczema, I say "the" because I refuse to own it anymore it's not mine.  Yep 54 years and finally I have some joy where my skin is concerned !

Now the Hair, or lack of it, is of far greater concern to me than the skin, and it always has been. I have lost all my hair twice now...
for it to grow back a third time would seem impossible, I have not had any for 22 years, and who grows there hair back not twice but three times hah?  
It is by far a deeper problem to be fixed.
Oh, one gets tired of digging deep.  

Added Stress

Oh  Goodness me I haven't been here for 2 months how bad is that.  I can only say it has been a whirlwind couple of months.  Been to Hamilton to welcome my beautiful niece home from Scotland, been several times to Hawkes Bay, gardening lots, going to work, re-carpeting the 3 bedrooms in my house and so much more.  Such is life, it is busy !

I must confess during some of these times, I have gone off my diet and come to know what foods harm my skin.  Before I would not of known the difference so I suppose the cheating is not all bad.
So I know for sure Chocolate, Tomatoes, too much of the wrong milk, cakes and biscuits, pies, pizzas, omg they are shit ! When I eat this stuff, Oh how I itch, itch and itch, and scratch, scratch, scratch.  And to top it all off Stress adds it's ugly head to the issue.

Too much stress, too many thoughts, what to do with them all I say.  Thoughts, feelings, emotions, sometimes I wish I had none, the sifting is all too hard.  Oh dear I guess I have been nursing a broken heart, it's a long story maybe I will tell it in my next blog, I might be needing your opinion.

I don't know, what is the game of love ? If it's a game then I'm not very good at it.  All I want is to be myself.  I'm 54 years old, why should I play games, just say it like it is, that's how I am.  And when I want to say it and I can't well the consequences are ........
Gaelene (who doesn't drink) drinks three quarters of a bottle of wine, is awake till 4am in the morning with Led Zeppelin playing Dazed and Confused, Stairway to Heaven, and sorting out all my clothes, then crying my heart out before going to bed lol.  Oh my God !

On the plus side I have discovered that a glass of wine in the evening is very relaxing !

I am home to stay for a while I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon so I am back on my Eczema Diet and Treatment Plan and my skin is behaving itself again.  Just gotta deal with the heart.

Talk soon , nite everyone

Seven Days .... What ?

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while, I have been on holiday.  Had a week in Australia to attend a very important wedding.  Adam Taylor got married, I was his nanny when he was little.  It was such an honour to be there at his wedding and I felt so proud.

Anyway, carrying on my story, I got home from Auckland with my 'Eczema Treatment Plan' and got started.  Part of the plan is food avoidance.  The biggies are Dairy food, Chocolate, Citrus fruits, Tomatoes, Soy, Peanuts and a few other simple things.  Oh my gosh, I am such a lazy eater, I hate cooking, but determined to stick to the plan, off I went to the Supermarket to shop for my new foods. Well, I spent four hours just reading the ingredients of everything.  And, did you know that most of all the packaged and processed foods have Soy in them, all the snack bars have peanuts or chocolate in them.  I could go on and on.

My shopping basket consisted of - Pita bread and Wraps (it's dairy free), Rice bubbles, Cornflakes, A2 Milk, Olivani, Bananas, Pears, Apples, Oaty Snack Bars, Chicken, Meat, Vegetables (but no pumpkin).  For something sweet I brought Golden Crumpets (dairy Free) and I put Golden syrup on them...Yum !  Not happy that I have to cook and prepare food, but I must do it!

The treatment began - Use Cetaphil or Aveeno Body Wash or Sunlight Bath Soap in the shower. Apply Aveeno Cream to skin first and then Dr Joe's Eczema cream on top two times per day. This all takes time when it is my whole body I must cover in two kinds of cream.  But, I am used to that. Stick to the food avoidance diet and take my anti-histamines twice daily. It's not hard and it's not rocket science, rather quite simple to do.

Seven days after I began the Plan, here I was sitting watching TV of an evening and suddenly I realised I'm not itchy !  What ?  I'm not itchy !  How can that be ?  54 years of my life, my parents and I tried everything there was to try and help me and suddenly after seven days I have no itch. Such a weird feeling.  A feeling of "What do I do now"  It was almost like I just lost a best friend.
I am amazed at the improvement in my skin in such a short period of time.  Incredible, who would of thought ?

I'm going to get real brave now and include some before and after pics, here we go -

Eyes Before Treatment Plan

Eye's after three weeks of Treatment

Before

After...only scars left

Hands Before

Hands After

No Coincidence

Have you ever felt Led, like guided through life, you know like when sometimes things happen that turn the page in our lives, and it feels like it's meant to be.  What is that, is it Coincidence ?  Well I figure I have proven to myself that it is not Coincidence.  Things just sometimes add up, make sense. My Dad called it common sense !

So recently on the Maori TV was Dr Joe Williams.  In the interview they showed before and after photos of babies, children, adults being helped.  Eczema disappearing after seven days treatment.
You can go to his page on facebook. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Eczema-Book-by-Dr-Joe-Williams/1384461888516661  Dr Joe has 50 years Eczema Research up his sleeve and has documented it all in this book.  I am gobsmacked to find there are about 13 different types of Eczema...NOT JUST ONE ! as a Dermatologist would believe.

So I purchased the book, I read it three times.  I knew , I knew that I knew, I had to go and see the Doctor. Then, I booked my flights to Auckland to see Dr Joe Williams. Got grab a seat deals so it was no biggy. My niece ran us around in her car, bless her.  He is at the Mt Wellington Integrative Health Clinic.  It is an open clinic, he is there Monday, Wednesday and Friday 9am - 5pm.  You go and wait your turn.  I had my darling sister Leanne, and my precious niece Karin with me.  We turn up there at 9am by 10am the clinic is full of people needing help.  Just before lunchtime they call my name. Holy crap it's my turn.

My sister came with me into his room.  He is so gentle and caring, I can tell he really cares.  I become a little more at ease.  So he takes a look at my skin and says "you poor dear."  He asked me "what tests have you had" I replied "None."  He was appalled at this and wanted to know why not.
I had to tell him that dermatologists have told me tests would be a waste of time it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. So what did Dr Joe do ? ... he took the tests.  A skin scraping and a blood test.  He asked me if my mother ever told me I had cradle cap as a baby.  Well yes she did, she said it began around my scalp and then.covered my whole body.  He told me "Well my dear that is where your problem began."  OMG, 54 years to discover it started as cradle cap.  Well, like I said some things are meant to be, I will not question why it has taken 54 years, I shall just get on with things. He explained to me what type of Eczema I have. Personally signed my copy of his book for me.and THEN, he said " You will have no itch in seven days."  I burst into tears because I don't know life without itching.

He took me into another room to take photo's of my skin, most of my body.  My sister and my niece came in there with me.
So I'm trying to get my top off and my feckin hair is coming off as well
LOL so I just took my hair off threw it at my sister asking her to hold it for a while. The poor lady taking the photo's got a little fright, but carried on.  Hilarious I thought.  I got big hugs from all the staff and Dr Joe, I left there with his Eczema Care Treatment Plan (which is in the back of his book), and purchased the creams and body washes and soaps I need (with some help from my sister).

The last thing Dr Joe said was "We are going to call you Joylene."

As a Girl Thinketh

I trust I am not the only person on the planet who has a little, sometimes big, voice in their head. Sometimes that voice has got me in the shit big time.  I know I'm not the only person who talks to herself.  So, is it a voice? or are they thoughts ?  I will leave that decision to you.   One of my biggest tools to overcome bad thoughts or negativity is to be grateful.  Gratitude is powerful.  I say to myself (yes there we go, say to myself) "Gaelene, get a grip, get over it, stop the pity party who do you think you are ?"  So, I find something to be grateful for.
We really do have a lot.  I don't care what it is, the roof over my head, my family, my food, the water coming out of my taps, the bloomin flushing toilet, there is something to be grateful for, always !

Sometime last year I decided to google the word Itch !  You know it cannot really be defined, it just is ! Itch is Itch and that is all there is to it.  But, I came upon a paper written by some fancy Professor of the London University about Behavioral Itch.  I Never heard of it before, there were several studies about it.  I got excited ! Some of it went click in my head and made sense to me.  Anything that makes sense to me I will pursue.  Like I pursued the vitamins and minerals I take cos the language of our cells is important.  Anyway, I began to wonder if my scratching was a behavior.  Maybe some of the itch was in my head.  Maybe I am scratching myself to pieces because it feels good, I have done it all my life, even hidden to do it, can't live without it etc.  That it may be a habit, was an avenue I had never taken before.  I tried everything else.

So, I swallowed my pride and began appointments with a Psychotherapist. It turned out to be a good choice. I can't say it stopped me scratching.  To an extent it helped.  I was empowered and comfortable with sharing the shit so to speak.  I have some of the best friends on the planet, but there is something about telling it to a stranger, knowing that's what they are there for.  It's kindof Free !
The amazing thing is that it was so easy and the past could not and did not hurt me.  Once again it is good to look back to see how far we have come I say.  My psychotherapist was incredible.  He knew the value of listening and possessed empathy.  In fact, he is no longer practicing but these days is my friend, how special is that.

Empathy...an interesting word !  In my personal dictionary it means ...to walk a mile in someone's else's shoes, cos the world isn't all about Me !

Let Go !

So, there I was one day at my sisters place in New Plymouth for a visit.  I went to the Taranaki Thermal hot pools, which are divine by the way I highly recommend them.  They clean the pool out after each use and it fills up with fresh water for you.  There I was lazing back in the pool listening to the music, on the wall was a verse, the writer anonymous.  I read it once and have never forgotten it. It said 'In the End what matters is - How well did you Live, How well did you Love,
and How well did you learn to let go !  The learn to let go bit hit me like a ton of bricks.  I decided there and then I must learn to Let Go.  Well, you can imagine what can of worms that opened !

In my plight to Let Go, I did some outrageous things which when I look back must of been funny for onlookers.  One day I was in town with Sarah Cooper, we were promoting our Nutrition and Wellness Products outside the pet shop.  This lady came along and began critising everything, saying things like "Oh you just need to eat Organic, you people make me cross blah blah blah."  So, I got my hackles up and said "Well do you know you have Lead in the lipstick you are wearing."  I couldn't help myself she was such a greeny.  She says "You dye your hair."  OMG that did it.  I saw red, and she knew it.  She went running across the road, I ran after her, I pulled my wig off and said "How can I dye my hair when I don't F...n have any."  Well the poor lady got such a shock, she ran to the meter maid and said, "did you see that she's bald and she chased me."  Then ran off down the road.  I had by that time collected myself and put my hair back on. The meter maid said to me "That was Great" and told me the lady was well known for being a trouble maker and I taught her a lesson.
Sarah was back at our stall almost peeing herself with laughter.

Here are some pics of some of my wigs.  Some serious ones ! and Some Fun ones !  I have had so much trouble getting these photo's placed, man it is hard work.  I don't know how to put them in the places I want, does anyone know how ?

Long Blonde

Red Head

I had to be a Cat !

And I got asked out on a date that night I was dressed as a Skeleton LOL

Bob Blonde

Short Blonde

Auburn

Brunette

I had to be Science Fiction

My Gorgeous Niece and I

Decision Making

So anyway, there I was divorced. It's 1988.  My hair is grown back, I have short back in sides like, but full coverage.  Still Blonde !  Enter into my life another life changing person...Lucy Gallagher. I also new Lucy till the day she died, I cared for her before and during that time. I became her adopted daughter and still am today as far as her tribe is concerned.  She always said I was her third daughter, that it was no coincidence, and get this, she had two daughters, their names are Gaylene and Patricia. My name is Gaelene Patricia.  Oh dear another Chapter.  But long story short, she taught me much about life. how to economise, save money, be wise, build a future, how to read people well, discernment, and much much more.

And then I fell in love.  Head over heals.  Remember I have hair, but I still have the Eczema all over me.  This man entered my life by chance which led to 20 years of me loving him. We would see each other on and off.  He would come and go, you know what I mean.  We chased each other for 20 years.  He was a fisherman at the time.  He moved to Tauranga port so I moved to Matamata where I became a Nanny and lived there for 5 years.  He would come and he would go.  Things fell apart in Matamata, I said Fuck the World ! Rented a house bus from a friend and went to live at Mahia.  At a place called Waikokopu.  The bus was parked by the inlet of water where the little fishing boats would park.  It was me and my dog Suzie.  I cut myself off from the world and people. We became beach combers for a year, it was 1993.

Then one day this man whom I'm not prepared to name, came one day wandering down my path to the bus. He always had a way of finding me, I never left a forwarding address.  He came to tell me he had been seeing another lady for a month and she was pregnant.  I'm like and why you telling me, I haven't seen you for a year !He left, at my request lol.  About 2 weeks after he left, my precious hair began to all fall out again.  It doesn't take long to be all gone, about a week.  It was all too much for me.  One night I actually considered walking into the sea and not coming back.  Seriously? Yep. What stopped me ?  My Dog Suzie !

The next day one of the locals tells me there is a healing meeting at the local Marae.  Healing ?
I'm going of course.  I rekindle faith, I get baptised in the local river with the scarf back on my head. I returned to Gisborne, moved back in with my Mum.  I discovered there were five generations of suicides on my Father's side of the family. I was shocked, so my advice is, if you have depression, get help!  Got a job at the Apostolic Church as their Secretary for 13 years, and the Nanny care-giver of two beautiful children Matthew and Phillipa Webb, who are a huge part of my life today, all grown up. And, in 2002 I brought my own home, with the help of my Mum.  Then, a year later she passed away. OMG when does it ever end ?

By the time Mother passed away, we had made our peace and I loved her to pieces.  She revealed a secret she had kept for 55 years that was life changing for me. I suddenly understood my mother. She had her own pain, terrible pain she had kept hidden for so so long.

Anyways, it being 2015, it is now 22 years since I lost all my hair for the second time.  It has never grown back this time. I have learnt to live with or without hair.  It does not define me.  I wear wigs, beautiful wigs.  I would have a room full of them if I could afford it. A dream is having a wig shop...wigs and accessories.  Yep, got to win Lotto ! Another dream is to write a book and have it published.  You can tell right ?  Yet the Eczema continues to define me in some way.

Where does strength come from ?  I believe it comes from never giving up, adjusting when you must, always look back to see how far you have come and keep the dreams.
Learn to bounce back. A wise old lady once told me " Don't stay in the valley of indecision for too long, learn to make a decision whether it be right or wrong make it. Otherwise it causes anxiety, and anxiety won't grow your hair."
So I guess Strength is a Decision we make.

Life goes on

Oh I have had quite a bit of feedback about my Blog.  Thank you everyone for your kind words etc. Some have said they have cried, oh please don't cry I'm all good.  My Journey is what makes me who I am, and what's ahead I don't know, but I must continue to learn.  So anyway, life goes on right ?
By 1986 long term side effects of Steriods (please know that these are not Anabolic steroids that athletes use, they are of the immune suppressant family) were beginning to show on me.  I was all blown up like a balloon, fat as, I had thinning hair, thinned skin, insomnia, a big round moon face and God knows what was going on inside me.  Other side effects are softening of bones, decreased sex drive, kidney and liver damage and there is more.

So it's 1986 right and I throw them all away, the steroids, anti-biotics, anti-depressants.  It was WAR.
I got horribly sick, My skin erupted all over, I went three times in six weeks to hospital with chronic asthma attacks...yet I refused the steroids.  I was living with a nice guy at the time.  After nine months of suffering it out, all my hair fell out...I got Alopecia Universalis, full body hair loss.  Well, this rocked my boat as I felt like my beautiful blonde hair was all I had left.  But, life goes on and I must cope.  My boyfriend was still with me, in fact that year we got married, I wore my first wig ever on my wedding day.

Enter into my life an elderly lady Mrs Clara Williamson.  A life changing kind of lady, do you know the type?  She taught me much that I needed to learn about life. She was a retired hairdresser and specialised in Alopecia.  Well, that's another long chapter except to say she worked on me so hard that my hair grew back. It took a year, she became my darling Mrs Williamson for 15 more years till she died, and her technique died with her.  Look, if you have an old school skill, please pass it on !

Another year later I got divorced. One thing was, I knew I had married because I thought He would be the only man that would love me the way I looked, second, he slept with my neighbour and she got pregnant.   I had been married almost 2 years and never got pregnant.  I STILL had the Eczema all over me.  Eczema affects the sufferers whole life. Employment opportunities, relationship opportunities, socially, I'm sure you get the picture. Somehow I have always managed to get work, maybe not the dream job I always wanted, but work.  I left school at fifteen and got an office job, I was a secretary for twenty years, my fingers would bleed when I typed.  Then I got tired of sitting behind a desk I became a Nanny, filled the gap of not having my own children. I am blessed with three other peoples children in my life.  They are all grown up now but call me there second mummy. Also, I have my three beautiful nieces. You see, all those Steroids had made me infertile so I could not have my own children.  If you can't have want you want, fill the gap I say !

What is Strength ? Is it sheer grit and determination ? Where is it and How do I get it ?
Did I always have it, if so, I need more !

A Little Easier

Good day to All !  I shall just get on with it then.  As I work my ass off I constantly think of where to continue my story, there is so much I could write.  I decided to stop thinking about it and just let it flow otherwise it does my head in.

As I was heading into my Intermediate school years I was no longer living in bandages and having socks tied on my hands at night, but, only thanks to Prednisone (Steroids) which were keeping the itch at bay on and off.  I was having increasingly more and more courses of this drug, the long term side effects are horrendous. I was able to attend school and wear the uniform with a little more confidence. Although, I always had the feeling that people thought "Oh you know Gaelene, she's a strange girl till you get to know her". 

Then, when I was in my first year of high school our family Doctor decided to try a new drug.  It was called Synacthen Depot (another drug no longer used today).  It worked a treat.  For two years I dropped into the Doctors rooms for a weekly injection of this drug.  I had two years of no Eczema. Freedom, just in time for the beginning of the Boy thing that all girl teenagers go through, I even got noticed and got myself a boyfriend at age 14.  OMG bad move !  

Our family Doctor retired and a new Doctor came along. He immediately took me off the injections I was having.  The withdrawals were intense. My skin took a turn for the worst again. It turns out it was a liver failure drug, an extreme intense immune suppressant, I could no longer have it and should never of had it.  It scarred me for life. So I went back on Prednisone. 

I left school at fifteen and got a job.  The boyfriends came and went, I was choosing all the wrong ones, loser's basically.  My feelings were like this..."I will stick with this man cos He loves me the way I look and no-one else is going to".

At this point I will say that Verbal Abuse is mean, it cuts deep, deeper than deep, it makes scars in the heart and mind.  I will let you in on this.  My dear mother whom I love and miss terribly, and at this point I must say we made our peace over many issues two years before she died, was so so so desperate to try and stop me scratching that when I was 12 years old she said to me "No man will ever love you the way you look."  I think that one statement struck me above all the physical bullshit I endured and hurt more than any wooden coathanger broken over my ass.  The worst thing is I believed her.  

So, you know what Gaelene did aye, she set out to prove mother wrong.  It was boyfriend after boyfriend, after boyfriend.  My saving Grace was my Dad.  My Guardian Angel, my darling father my everything, who taught me it is what's on the inside that counts and that I was beautiful on the inside.  Life carried on, the incessant full body itching a part of my life, constantly telling myself not to scratch but not being able to help it.  Wow, and then when I was twenty years old, my precious Dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the head at the beach he so loved.  Wow, there I said it, it's the truth !You can imagine his death shattered our whole family and is a whole other story, so I won't dwell there just now, this is about Me and my skin issues, which as I speak is looking good !   

I will leave you with this thought...Always think about what you say before you say it.  

To be continued....nite nite

It Ain't Easy Part 2

Well I have managed to change the colour scheme of my Blog page and have added a link for people to follow my blog.  Just enter your email address and click submit.  I still don't know if I just keep doing new posts, do they carry on from each other or what ?
It seems each time I post I have to put a new title !  Oh well I shall keep going.

I think I was talking about school, kids were cruel but I managed to make a few friends who watched out for me, some of which are still my dear friends today.  My treatments continued...regular tar baths at the hospital, tar bandages from head to toe, magazines tied on my arms at night to keep them straight and socks tied on my hands.  But still each morning there would be bleeding sheets and pillows, because I learnt to Rub my skin off.  Bathtime a nightmare as well, the water stung, and there were bandages stuck to me that had to come off.  Infection was my middle name, sometimes plastic bags would be put on me under the bandages to draw the infection out, and left on for a couple of days. And to top it all off during all this I was also a chronic Asthmatic being rushed to the Doctors in the middle of the nights and he would pump Aminophyline straight into my vain.  It was instant breath I will never forget it  That drug is no longer used today.  When I was 8 years old I began my lifetime journey with Prednisone (Corticol Steriods  - -Immune Suppressants).

You know what ! Adults could be cruel too.  I was never allowed in the swimming pools at school.
One day Shali TeAho and my cousin Tina Lomas talked me gently into going to the McCrae baths for a swim.  I put my togs on in the changing room and then a towel around me so no-one would see my skin.  I ran and jumped into the water before anyone could see.  It was like freedom there I was feeling safe, none of the kids could see my skin in the water.  All of a sudden the Custodian (Mrs bloody Gilgren she was) blew her whistle, everyone stopped splashing around and became still.
Then she said to me "What are you doing in the pool with all that stuff over you, get out at once" and I had to climb out of the pool covered in Eczema with everybody watching.  I never went back in a pool again till I was in my 30's and I learnt to swim !

My Mother was harsh but felt she had to be.  My Father was my idol, my hero the most gentle, placid, patient, kind man, he was my everything !  My parents took me everywhere for help.
I went to the Colourman, a Naturopath, Chinese Herbalist, Maori Medicine, Wheat Free and Dairy Free Diets, Hypnotism, Faith Healing, and Dermatologists.  Throughout all of this time my darling sister was being neglected, grew into a teenager and had her own battles but that is her story to tell.

Well, thanks to everyone reading my blog I hope I can make a difference to some.  I have a busy few days coming up so I will be back soon.  Had a hard night at work tonight I'm off to sleep.  Yes, sleep deprivation is no longer an issue in my life and I'm getting to my happy ending so keep reading.
Nite nite !

  

It ain't easy

Hi and welcome to my first ever blog.  One in five children and one in ten adults and their families worldwide suffer with Eczema.  I wish my blog to ultimately reach as many as I can in the hope that it may help someone.  At times it is going to get real serious and nasty but that's just the way it is and I have to be real about it. In fact, it is not emotionally easy for me to write it let alone publicly, but I must ! I can tell you, just to take the pressure off, that there is a happy ending. I have before and after photo's but am not prepared to share those yet but I will pluck up the courage to do so in time.

I was born in 1961 on the East Coast of the North Island of New Zealand.  Anyone born in this decade and got Eczema would know that the treatment back then was like torture.  At 6 months old I was covered in full body raw weeping Eczema and was tied spreadeagled to a wire frame in my cot at night in an attempt to stop me from scratching myself to pieces, I expect I must of screamed and screamed and there would of been a lot of sleep deprivation going on in our household. And that was just the beginning... It's a good thing we can't remember those early days of our lives but perhaps the trauma of it remains with us.  Wow I never blogged before I hope I'm doing this right, I didn't know if I choose Post or Page.  Oh well I will keep going.

I can remember as far back as my Kindergarten days so I would of been four years old, I was attending all wrapped up in bandages like a mummy.  And at times they would be tar, yes tar bandages that stunk like tar and were left on me for 3 days at a time.  And kids were cruel.  My first day of school at 5 years old was terrifying.  Covered in Eczema I was a prime target for bullies and was constantly made fun of.

Ok it's 1:05am here.  Insomnia comes from years and years of sleep deprivation due to itching and scratching 24/7.  But tonight I may go to sleep proud of myself for staring this blog and knowing I may return to carry on tomorrow. I feel like it's just pouring out of me, nite nite everyone