So anyway, there I was divorced. It's 1988. My hair is grown back, I have short back in sides like, but full coverage. Still Blonde ! Enter into my life another life changing person...Lucy Gallagher. I also new Lucy till the day she died, I cared for her before and during that time. I became her adopted daughter and still am today as far as her tribe is concerned. She always said I was her third daughter, that it was no coincidence, and get this, she had two daughters, their names are Gaylene and Patricia. My name is Gaelene Patricia. Oh dear another Chapter. But long story short, she taught me much about life. how to economise, save money, be wise, build a future, how to read people well, discernment, and much much more.
And then I fell in love. Head over heals. Remember I have hair, but I still have the Eczema all over me. This man entered my life by chance which led to 20 years of me loving him. We would see each other on and off. He would come and go, you know what I mean. We chased each other for 20 years. He was a fisherman at the time. He moved to Tauranga port so I moved to Matamata where I became a Nanny and lived there for 5 years. He would come and he would go. Things fell apart in Matamata, I said Fuck the World ! Rented a house bus from a friend and went to live at Mahia. At a place called Waikokopu. The bus was parked by the inlet of water where the little fishing boats would park. It was me and my dog Suzie. I cut myself off from the world and people. We became beach combers for a year, it was 1993.
Then one day this man whom I'm not prepared to name, came one day wandering down my path to the bus. He always had a way of finding me, I never left a forwarding address. He came to tell me he had been seeing another lady for a month and she was pregnant. I'm like and why you telling me, I haven't seen you for a year !He left, at my request lol. About 2 weeks after he left, my precious hair began to all fall out again. It doesn't take long to be all gone, about a week. It was all too much for me. One night I actually considered walking into the sea and not coming back. Seriously? Yep. What stopped me ? My Dog Suzie !
The next day one of the locals tells me there is a healing meeting at the local Marae. Healing ?
I'm going of course. I rekindle faith, I get baptised in the local river with the scarf back on my head. I returned to Gisborne, moved back in with my Mum. I discovered there were five generations of suicides on my Father's side of the family. I was shocked, so my advice is, if you have depression, get help! Got a job at the Apostolic Church as their Secretary for 13 years, and the Nanny care-giver of two beautiful children Matthew and Phillipa Webb, who are a huge part of my life today, all grown up. And, in 2002 I brought my own home, with the help of my Mum. Then, a year later she passed away. OMG when does it ever end ?
By the time Mother passed away, we had made our peace and I loved her to pieces. She revealed a secret she had kept for 55 years that was life changing for me. I suddenly understood my mother. She had her own pain, terrible pain she had kept hidden for so so long.
Anyways, it being 2015, it is now 22 years since I lost all my hair for the second time. It has never grown back this time. I have learnt to live with or without hair. It does not define me. I wear wigs, beautiful wigs. I would have a room full of them if I could afford it. A dream is having a wig shop...wigs and accessories. Yep, got to win Lotto ! Another dream is to write a book and have it published. You can tell right ? Yet the Eczema continues to define me in some way.
Where does strength come from ? I believe it comes from never giving up, adjusting when you must, always look back to see how far you have come and keep the dreams.
Learn to bounce back. A wise old lady once told me " Don't stay in the valley of indecision for too long, learn to make a decision whether it be right or wrong make it. Otherwise it causes anxiety, and anxiety won't grow your hair."
So I guess Strength is a Decision we make.
Saturday 27 June 2015
Thursday 18 June 2015
Life goes on
Oh I have had quite a bit of feedback about my Blog. Thank you everyone for your kind words etc. Some have said they have cried, oh please don't cry I'm all good. My Journey is what makes me who I am, and what's ahead I don't know, but I must continue to learn. So anyway, life goes on right ?
By 1986 long term side effects of Steriods (please know that these are not Anabolic steroids that athletes use, they are of the immune suppressant family) were beginning to show on me. I was all blown up like a balloon, fat as, I had thinning hair, thinned skin, insomnia, a big round moon face and God knows what was going on inside me. Other side effects are softening of bones, decreased sex drive, kidney and liver damage and there is more.
So it's 1986 right and I throw them all away, the steroids, anti-biotics, anti-depressants. It was WAR.
I got horribly sick, My skin erupted all over, I went three times in six weeks to hospital with chronic asthma attacks...yet I refused the steroids. I was living with a nice guy at the time. After nine months of suffering it out, all my hair fell out...I got Alopecia Universalis, full body hair loss. Well, this rocked my boat as I felt like my beautiful blonde hair was all I had left. But, life goes on and I must cope. My boyfriend was still with me, in fact that year we got married, I wore my first wig ever on my wedding day.
Enter into my life an elderly lady Mrs Clara Williamson. A life changing kind of lady, do you know the type? She taught me much that I needed to learn about life. She was a retired hairdresser and specialised in Alopecia. Well, that's another long chapter except to say she worked on me so hard that my hair grew back. It took a year, she became my darling Mrs Williamson for 15 more years till she died, and her technique died with her. Look, if you have an old school skill, please pass it on !
Another year later I got divorced. One thing was, I knew I had married because I thought He would be the only man that would love me the way I looked, second, he slept with my neighbour and she got pregnant. I had been married almost 2 years and never got pregnant. I STILL had the Eczema all over me. Eczema affects the sufferers whole life. Employment opportunities, relationship opportunities, socially, I'm sure you get the picture. Somehow I have always managed to get work, maybe not the dream job I always wanted, but work. I left school at fifteen and got an office job, I was a secretary for twenty years, my fingers would bleed when I typed. Then I got tired of sitting behind a desk I became a Nanny, filled the gap of not having my own children. I am blessed with three other peoples children in my life. They are all grown up now but call me there second mummy. Also, I have my three beautiful nieces. You see, all those Steroids had made me infertile so I could not have my own children. If you can't have want you want, fill the gap I say !
What is Strength ? Is it sheer grit and determination ? Where is it and How do I get it ?
Did I always have it, if so, I need more !
By 1986 long term side effects of Steriods (please know that these are not Anabolic steroids that athletes use, they are of the immune suppressant family) were beginning to show on me. I was all blown up like a balloon, fat as, I had thinning hair, thinned skin, insomnia, a big round moon face and God knows what was going on inside me. Other side effects are softening of bones, decreased sex drive, kidney and liver damage and there is more.
So it's 1986 right and I throw them all away, the steroids, anti-biotics, anti-depressants. It was WAR.
I got horribly sick, My skin erupted all over, I went three times in six weeks to hospital with chronic asthma attacks...yet I refused the steroids. I was living with a nice guy at the time. After nine months of suffering it out, all my hair fell out...I got Alopecia Universalis, full body hair loss. Well, this rocked my boat as I felt like my beautiful blonde hair was all I had left. But, life goes on and I must cope. My boyfriend was still with me, in fact that year we got married, I wore my first wig ever on my wedding day.
Enter into my life an elderly lady Mrs Clara Williamson. A life changing kind of lady, do you know the type? She taught me much that I needed to learn about life. She was a retired hairdresser and specialised in Alopecia. Well, that's another long chapter except to say she worked on me so hard that my hair grew back. It took a year, she became my darling Mrs Williamson for 15 more years till she died, and her technique died with her. Look, if you have an old school skill, please pass it on !
Another year later I got divorced. One thing was, I knew I had married because I thought He would be the only man that would love me the way I looked, second, he slept with my neighbour and she got pregnant. I had been married almost 2 years and never got pregnant. I STILL had the Eczema all over me. Eczema affects the sufferers whole life. Employment opportunities, relationship opportunities, socially, I'm sure you get the picture. Somehow I have always managed to get work, maybe not the dream job I always wanted, but work. I left school at fifteen and got an office job, I was a secretary for twenty years, my fingers would bleed when I typed. Then I got tired of sitting behind a desk I became a Nanny, filled the gap of not having my own children. I am blessed with three other peoples children in my life. They are all grown up now but call me there second mummy. Also, I have my three beautiful nieces. You see, all those Steroids had made me infertile so I could not have my own children. If you can't have want you want, fill the gap I say !
What is Strength ? Is it sheer grit and determination ? Where is it and How do I get it ?
Did I always have it, if so, I need more !
Wednesday 10 June 2015
A Little Easier
Good day to All ! I shall just get on with it then. As I work my ass off I constantly think of where to continue my story, there is so much I could write. I decided to stop thinking about it and just let it flow otherwise it does my head in.
As I was heading into my Intermediate school years I was no longer living in bandages and having socks tied on my hands at night, but, only thanks to Prednisone (Steroids) which were keeping the itch at bay on and off. I was having increasingly more and more courses of this drug, the long term side effects are horrendous. I was able to attend school and wear the uniform with a little more confidence. Although, I always had the feeling that people thought "Oh you know Gaelene, she's a strange girl till you get to know her".
Then, when I was in my first year of high school our family Doctor decided to try a new drug. It was called Synacthen Depot (another drug no longer used today). It worked a treat. For two years I dropped into the Doctors rooms for a weekly injection of this drug. I had two years of no Eczema. Freedom, just in time for the beginning of the Boy thing that all girl teenagers go through, I even got noticed and got myself a boyfriend at age 14. OMG bad move !
I left school at fifteen and got a job. The boyfriends came and went, I was choosing all the wrong ones, loser's basically. My feelings were like this..."I will stick with this man cos He loves me the way I look and no-one else is going to".
So, you know what Gaelene did aye, she set out to prove mother wrong. It was boyfriend after boyfriend, after boyfriend. My saving Grace was my Dad. My Guardian Angel, my darling father my everything, who taught me it is what's on the inside that counts and that I was beautiful on the inside. Life carried on, the incessant full body itching a part of my life, constantly telling myself not to scratch but not being able to help it. Wow, and then when I was twenty years old, my precious Dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the head at the beach he so loved. Wow, there I said it, it's the truth !You can imagine his death shattered our whole family and is a whole other story, so I won't dwell there just now, this is about Me and my skin issues, which as I speak is looking good !
As I was heading into my Intermediate school years I was no longer living in bandages and having socks tied on my hands at night, but, only thanks to Prednisone (Steroids) which were keeping the itch at bay on and off. I was having increasingly more and more courses of this drug, the long term side effects are horrendous. I was able to attend school and wear the uniform with a little more confidence. Although, I always had the feeling that people thought "Oh you know Gaelene, she's a strange girl till you get to know her".
Then, when I was in my first year of high school our family Doctor decided to try a new drug. It was called Synacthen Depot (another drug no longer used today). It worked a treat. For two years I dropped into the Doctors rooms for a weekly injection of this drug. I had two years of no Eczema. Freedom, just in time for the beginning of the Boy thing that all girl teenagers go through, I even got noticed and got myself a boyfriend at age 14. OMG bad move !
Our family Doctor retired and a new Doctor came along. He immediately took me off the injections I was having. The withdrawals were intense. My skin took a turn for the worst again. It turns out it was a liver failure drug, an extreme intense immune suppressant, I could no longer have it and should never of had it. It scarred me for life. So I went back on Prednisone.
I left school at fifteen and got a job. The boyfriends came and went, I was choosing all the wrong ones, loser's basically. My feelings were like this..."I will stick with this man cos He loves me the way I look and no-one else is going to".
At this point I will say that Verbal Abuse is mean, it cuts deep, deeper than deep, it makes scars in the heart and mind. I will let you in on this. My dear mother whom I love and miss terribly, and at this point I must say we made our peace over many issues two years before she died, was so so so desperate to try and stop me scratching that when I was 12 years old she said to me "No man will ever love you the way you look." I think that one statement struck me above all the physical bullshit I endured and hurt more than any wooden coathanger broken over my ass. The worst thing is I believed her.
So, you know what Gaelene did aye, she set out to prove mother wrong. It was boyfriend after boyfriend, after boyfriend. My saving Grace was my Dad. My Guardian Angel, my darling father my everything, who taught me it is what's on the inside that counts and that I was beautiful on the inside. Life carried on, the incessant full body itching a part of my life, constantly telling myself not to scratch but not being able to help it. Wow, and then when I was twenty years old, my precious Dad committed suicide. He shot himself in the head at the beach he so loved. Wow, there I said it, it's the truth !You can imagine his death shattered our whole family and is a whole other story, so I won't dwell there just now, this is about Me and my skin issues, which as I speak is looking good !
I will leave you with this thought...Always think about what you say before you say it.
To be continued....nite nite
Monday 1 June 2015
It Ain't Easy Part 2
Well I have managed to change the colour scheme of my Blog page and have added a link for people to follow my blog. Just enter your email address and click submit. I still don't know if I just keep doing new posts, do they carry on from each other or what ?
It seems each time I post I have to put a new title ! Oh well I shall keep going.
I think I was talking about school, kids were cruel but I managed to make a few friends who watched out for me, some of which are still my dear friends today. My treatments continued...regular tar baths at the hospital, tar bandages from head to toe, magazines tied on my arms at night to keep them straight and socks tied on my hands. But still each morning there would be bleeding sheets and pillows, because I learnt to Rub my skin off. Bathtime a nightmare as well, the water stung, and there were bandages stuck to me that had to come off. Infection was my middle name, sometimes plastic bags would be put on me under the bandages to draw the infection out, and left on for a couple of days. And to top it all off during all this I was also a chronic Asthmatic being rushed to the Doctors in the middle of the nights and he would pump Aminophyline straight into my vain. It was instant breath I will never forget it That drug is no longer used today. When I was 8 years old I began my lifetime journey with Prednisone (Corticol Steriods - -Immune Suppressants).
You know what ! Adults could be cruel too. I was never allowed in the swimming pools at school.
One day Shali TeAho and my cousin Tina Lomas talked me gently into going to the McCrae baths for a swim. I put my togs on in the changing room and then a towel around me so no-one would see my skin. I ran and jumped into the water before anyone could see. It was like freedom there I was feeling safe, none of the kids could see my skin in the water. All of a sudden the Custodian (Mrs bloody Gilgren she was) blew her whistle, everyone stopped splashing around and became still.
Then she said to me "What are you doing in the pool with all that stuff over you, get out at once" and I had to climb out of the pool covered in Eczema with everybody watching. I never went back in a pool again till I was in my 30's and I learnt to swim !
My Mother was harsh but felt she had to be. My Father was my idol, my hero the most gentle, placid, patient, kind man, he was my everything ! My parents took me everywhere for help.
I went to the Colourman, a Naturopath, Chinese Herbalist, Maori Medicine, Wheat Free and Dairy Free Diets, Hypnotism, Faith Healing, and Dermatologists. Throughout all of this time my darling sister was being neglected, grew into a teenager and had her own battles but that is her story to tell.
Well, thanks to everyone reading my blog I hope I can make a difference to some. I have a busy few days coming up so I will be back soon. Had a hard night at work tonight I'm off to sleep. Yes, sleep deprivation is no longer an issue in my life and I'm getting to my happy ending so keep reading.
Nite nite !
It seems each time I post I have to put a new title ! Oh well I shall keep going.
I think I was talking about school, kids were cruel but I managed to make a few friends who watched out for me, some of which are still my dear friends today. My treatments continued...regular tar baths at the hospital, tar bandages from head to toe, magazines tied on my arms at night to keep them straight and socks tied on my hands. But still each morning there would be bleeding sheets and pillows, because I learnt to Rub my skin off. Bathtime a nightmare as well, the water stung, and there were bandages stuck to me that had to come off. Infection was my middle name, sometimes plastic bags would be put on me under the bandages to draw the infection out, and left on for a couple of days. And to top it all off during all this I was also a chronic Asthmatic being rushed to the Doctors in the middle of the nights and he would pump Aminophyline straight into my vain. It was instant breath I will never forget it That drug is no longer used today. When I was 8 years old I began my lifetime journey with Prednisone (Corticol Steriods - -Immune Suppressants).
You know what ! Adults could be cruel too. I was never allowed in the swimming pools at school.
One day Shali TeAho and my cousin Tina Lomas talked me gently into going to the McCrae baths for a swim. I put my togs on in the changing room and then a towel around me so no-one would see my skin. I ran and jumped into the water before anyone could see. It was like freedom there I was feeling safe, none of the kids could see my skin in the water. All of a sudden the Custodian (Mrs bloody Gilgren she was) blew her whistle, everyone stopped splashing around and became still.
Then she said to me "What are you doing in the pool with all that stuff over you, get out at once" and I had to climb out of the pool covered in Eczema with everybody watching. I never went back in a pool again till I was in my 30's and I learnt to swim !
My Mother was harsh but felt she had to be. My Father was my idol, my hero the most gentle, placid, patient, kind man, he was my everything ! My parents took me everywhere for help.
I went to the Colourman, a Naturopath, Chinese Herbalist, Maori Medicine, Wheat Free and Dairy Free Diets, Hypnotism, Faith Healing, and Dermatologists. Throughout all of this time my darling sister was being neglected, grew into a teenager and had her own battles but that is her story to tell.
Well, thanks to everyone reading my blog I hope I can make a difference to some. I have a busy few days coming up so I will be back soon. Had a hard night at work tonight I'm off to sleep. Yes, sleep deprivation is no longer an issue in my life and I'm getting to my happy ending so keep reading.
Nite nite !
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